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Marios Crappy Jobs (Spoof)
Mario’s Crappy Jobs A spoof of Donkey Kong…. Enjoy, and go bananas! Mario arrives to the guy who called him. Mario: Did someone call for a carpenter? Guy: Yeah, I need you to fix up the place. Put some carpets in and stuff. Mario: Alright, I’ll get down to it. Guy: There is something I should warn you about, though. Mario: Trust me, I can handle it, I’m sure. (Mario leaves to enter the building) About 5 seconds later…. Mario: Sir? Guy: Whats the problem with the place? Mario: Uhh. Yeah about that. Did you know that theres A HUGE APE IN THERE THROWING BARRELS? Guy: Yes, you need to get rid of him too.. Mario: Sir, how does a ape even get in there and throw barrels? How does that even work? Guy: I don’t know. But my plan for you is to jump over the barrels and then defeat the ape. Mario: Jump over the barrels? Do you seriously think I’m skilled in that? What do you think I am, Jumpman. Next thing I’m going to have a name of CarpetMan. Guy: You’ve already come down here, so just take care of the problem. Mario: I’m a carpenter, okay. This is my day job. You don’t wanna know about my night job, that’s why I wear these gloves. But animal control, do you really see a butterfly net in my hands and a dang mystery machine behind me?! Guy: Look, your job is to fix up the place and put stuff in there. So start by getting that ape away. Mario: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m a carpenter, ok that’s what I do. I use my good old hammer to put carpets in, handle wood, etc. But IM NOT ANIMAL CONTROL! But clearly I am animal control now.. controlling the dumb animal that thinks a freaking carpenter can handle a giant ape who also, by the way is throwing barrels. How convenient. I mean how stupid are you?! The IQ of my ba-bombs should not be in the head of someone. (Mario picks up the hammer, as if pretending to hit stuff) Mario: How is this.. Supposed to defeat this?! (Mario impersonates an ape by pounding at his chest and growling) Guy: Ok look, if you get the ape, I’ll double your pay. Mario: Wow, a pay increase. That’s nice, I could use that extra money for I don’t know… FREAKING HOSPITAL BILLS WHEN THE APE BEATS ME TO A PULP! YOU GOD DAMN MONKEY MORON! What kind of shrooms are you smoking? Might as well just be gold coins that you pound out of bricks! I’m done, I’m not gonna deal with this. (Mario walks away) Guy: There’s also a pretty girl in there. Mario: Did you say pretty girl? (Guy nods) Its hammer time! 2 weeks later Mario: I can’t believe she dumped me, this is ridiculous. Hopefully this new plumbing job will cheer me up. (Mario walks in the house) Mario: Lets see whats wrong with your bath tub. (After a few seconds, Mario quickly exits, anger on his face. Mario: Unbelievable. Uncomprehendible! (Turns around) No! No! A giant turtle that breathes fire?! A GIANT TURTLE?! Ugh… maybe I should try kart racing. The End A couple weeks later, the same ape attacks again, this time a greenhouse. And once again someone who clearly doesn’t have the best job for it gets called over. Stanley: Hey, I’m Stanley. Did someone call for an exterminator?